I just made out with a guy for $7.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
