so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
