I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
