I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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