I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
