So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
