i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
