T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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