So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
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Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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