I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
