Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
