sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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