I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
