I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
