My liver just broke up with me...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
