How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
