my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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