i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
