Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
