porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
