I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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