How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
