Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?