Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?