I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Sober January is a disaster.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole