i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea