Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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