trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
