I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize