We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
