you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
