You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
