i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
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It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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