Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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