Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
