so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
