I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
