Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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