Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
