stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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