i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
