haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
