I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
