Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
