is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
