btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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