we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
