I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
