If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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