come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
my liver is dry heaving
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
