So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
