That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
