we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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