I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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