Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
