Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
