Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
