I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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