i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
