I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
