he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
