im gay
i know
yea but for you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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