That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
