I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
