i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
