Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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