Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
