i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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