Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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