so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
