The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
