I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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